“You can't run from your problems. But you'll both feel a little lighter when you get back.” - New Balance
Today's run didn't happen. It had to do with the Dr.s Nurse calling about no running till the problem is fully diagnosed. I run but it has almost always been with Kailah. So, we just rested till the appointment both of us nervous. She had been having pain in her hip and long story short no running for a month and maybe longer depending on how well therapy goes, it could be longer, ugh. This totally sux!
Taking all of this in was hard to say the least. Part of me wanted to run to release stress and the other part didn't want to run at all. I just wanted to stay with her. I kept thinking of all the times I said, “Kailah! You have to push through the pain!” I thought she wasn't giving it all she had. I would compare it with the pain I had (crying pain) and “If I could do it, so could she!” she'd be like, “I am mom, I am” Oh geez....so as a “Mom” I feel like crap. Trying to fight the thoughts of “Its this bad because you pushed her too hard. You didn't listen, You didn't take her to the Dr. sooner, What kind of Mother are you?” The word of God talks about taking our thoughts captive....still trying....
Then this other awful feeling came in that I was gonna be by myself and that Kailah was no longer a reason I could rely on in getting out there. If I was having one of those days where I just did not want to get out of bed a thought always pushed me out of bed and it was, “You don't have a choice, you've got to get Kailah out there.” So, I think this is a little test (I don't like this) Will I continue to do it without her? Like do it well. There are so many times I did things and totally pushed myself because I wanted Kailah to see that if I could do it she can too. Like I'd run as fast as I possibly could if I knew she was watching cuz I was hoping that if she could see her “frumpy” mom it would be a sinch for her. Now that's not there.
This has been like carrying a heavy weight. This makes me sad. You'd have to understand who Kailah was before she started running to understand why this is so important. Then my connection with this affects different aspects of my relationship with her. When all this is said and done, we will both be stronger in other areas beyond physical healing but this initial report was overwhelming. So, regardless of what is going on Jesus is King and I'm believing for a full healing!
Kailah is so sweet though, she said, "Mom if I can't run I think I'll go crazy! What will I do?" It showed me she's not quiting and first thing in the morning she's already planned for us to go lift weights cuz she read it in an article for injured runners, that is injury is simply a good time to strength other areas of your body so you can be a better runner. So, this is just a bump in the road and getting strong in other parts of our body will help us get over it.
Did not Run